The House of Commons erupted today after Gordon Brown dropped something of a political Hiroshima as he finally admitted sexual relations between his arch nemesis Dave Cameron and favourite gimp-mask wearer Geoff Hoon, a man described by Brown recently as ‘ a wee terrier with a Chief Whip in his hand’ and ‘ a massive feckin bumboy ken’
The 3month affair apparently started with a kiss between Hoon and Cameron at a Mardi Gras gay pride festival in Bradford in April 2008. The star-crossed lovers had been discussing Brown’s fiscal stance, with Cameron criticising Hoon’s party leader for high spending levels. Hoon, himself heavily implicated with the raping of Michael Portillo in Calton Hill, Edinburgh last year, said he didn’t really care but if Cameron would be a hard Thatcherite he’d be a Leftist wet juicy pineapple hole lubricated upon precise specifications for maximum jubilation, penetration and naughty, nice and narcissistic sensations and yes he could call him Cindy if he liked
Recently, Hoon’s parliamentary behaviour has become increasingly erratic as he steps up his personal campaign to become elected ‘lifestyle campaign fascist’ for the neo-SS septuagenarian group, ‘We like to put fingers up our bottoms, smell them, sell them, and do you all over on crafty pension scheme infrastructure given that we soon will have all the fucking power’ does not deny the charges but was unavailable for comment. Hoon was last seen on Prime Minister’s questions wearing a black lycro mask with a snooker ball taped around his mouth. Hoon, adorning a green thong, had a skull and cross bones tattoo and was wielding a plastic cat-o-nine-tails slapping Brown and generally rousing the Labour back benchers in a state of raging stupour.
Brown was asked to control his rebel and had to interrupt Cameron’s grilling form the opposite side of the house to tell ‘daddy’s little trooper’ to ‘get hame and get fonky’. As Brown turned to accept his applause from his party members after surviving another steamy session, he revealed two large holes in his trousers, around the buttocks, with soar-looking red abrasion marks. Mr Cameron was excitable thoughout the session, and even knocked the microphone off the stand with his stonker as played around in the shadows. The Prince of Darkness’ Budget Report comes later today
This was indeed a tumultuous day in the House of Commons history as the threesome was finally admitted by this centrist, cross-partizan trinity of love. Scenes reminiscent of a Roman Orgy with the added sentimentality of a Catholic confession, ensued with many politicans flocking to the other side of the House to make pillow talk. The usually more frigid Liberals also girated their waists heavily and drank the blood of Thatcher’s last political period, preserved in the nectar of Dave Cameron’s semen, now, with all the gusto and ferocity of a fire hydrant, was causing a deluge of sticky population paste to burst open the locked doors of the Commons and wreak havoc in London .
Of particular interest was the inner discussions of the Cameron-Brown-Hoon triumvirate, three men seemingly magnetized to each other through a deep hearted warmth and lust. Cameron was found apologized for the way they attacked Bevan’s NHS Bill, Brown said he wish Thatcher was still here to sort out the riff-raff and Hoon was being taken every which way but loose, Hoon was also the victim of a retaliatory brutal ronson assault by Portillo, dirty fucking bumlord that the ugly, swell-lipped cunt undoubtedly is.